The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense, by Suzette Haden Elgin

ere's a book that has been around for quite some time. It's the first in a long line of similar books from Suzette Haden Elgin, Ph.D. The fact that this book was issued in 1980 does not by any means indicate that it is outdated. People haven't change that much since then, and the need for conflict management skills is maybe in need now, more than ever. Haden Elgin has also written many other books about her "Verbal Self-Defense" methods, amongst them: "More on the Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense", "Success with the Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense", and "Staying Well with the Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense".

Dr.Elgin builds her methods openly on the principles of, and work on the famous family therapeut Virginia Satir, Bandler and Grinder (Neuro-Lingvistic-Programming), as well as others in the field. On a side note: Satir was one of the main sources of inspiration and methology for NLP early on.

In this book on "The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense", Haden Elgin chooses first to presents the five modes of communication that was introduced by Satir. These are used to describe people who communicate by blaiming, being superficial, agreeing/not responding etc.

Further she explains what is called "presuppositions" in NLP. These are linguistic "traps", and they are bait that is built into the way we may communicate - even if we don't say it outright. Other places such modes of communication is referred to as being passive/aggressive, and they are without a doubt verbal "attacks". These presuppositions may sound like: "If you really cared for me, you wouldn't..."; "Even someone like you should be able to..."; "Don't you even care that...?"; "Can't you just for once...?"; and so on.

The autor gives many examples on how to respond to these verbal attacks without blaming etc. or indeed swallowing the bait! She also explains the non-verbal part of the communication, and how this can work side-by-side with the verbal part of the message or instead of it. There is also chapters specially for men, women and students (younger people).

Ending the book there is a chapter on the more extreme encounters. There is a lot of sound information and advice to gather here! It is great to know how to lowering the risks of physical confrontations, keeping your control and reducing the pressure and outright dangers.

This is a book that I have no problems recommending to you. This goes even if the book, in true NLP style, is methodical and may come across as a little longwinded and "deep" here and there. The first place to search for books like this is always with Abebooks. You may even find it at E-Bay. Happy hunting and studying!

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